Taken together, we can see that people are of two minds when making decisions about potential dates, mates, and relationship partners. On one hand, they consider the various ways a partner makes them feel on an emotional level. On the other hand, they think about the various trades and exchanges a partner provides on a practical level. By evaluating relationship choices on these emotional and practical levels, it is possible to make some sense out of seemingly confusing and contradictory romantic behaviors.
Making Sense Of Love (In Greek) | Thought Catalog
For example, we can now see why individuals may make various trade-offs when choosing a mate. We can also explain why we may have very different criteria for what we find emotionally appealing in a partner versus what we find compatible with our lives. It can also help explain how it is possible to love someone unconditionally, yet not be able to have a satisfying relationship with them. With this perspective, we can also see how the step-by-step development of relationships balances these various dimensions.
For example, we often build an emotional connection through touching and making eye contac t early in dating, as well as work toward building a more practical rapport through conversation. In more established relationships, we may give gifts , while also building an emotional sense of gratitude for each other. Therefore, whatever stage or step you are on in your romantic relationship, it helps to evaluate things from both an emotional and a practical perspective.
If your relationship starts to feel too much like a business partnership or dispassionate friendship , perhaps it is time to spice things up with an exciting activity together. If your relationship feels like it is lacking in substance and not meeting the needs of yourself and your partner, however, then perhaps it is time to pay more attention to the actual practical exchange between you both. Overall then, by considering and balancing these emotional and practical dimensions, step-by-step along the way, you can avoid the confusion—and build a more loving and satisfying intimate relationship.
Make sure you get the next article: Click here to sign up to my Facebook page. Nicholson, M. All rights reserved. Hatfield, E. Love, sex, and intimacy: Their psychology, biology, and history. HarperCollins College Publishers. Montoya, R. A two-dimensional model for the study of interpersonal attraction. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 18 1 , All relationships need to understand the difference between passionate love and companionate love, and I like that it is mentioned here.
People truly believe that the intense emotions and obsessions are good to last forever, when that is not the case at all. You need companion, not just a partner. There needs to be a deep connection between two people for it to last. The fact that feelings of love can be abused by people shouldn't detract from the fact that love can be beautiful. Seeing someone who loves another person enough to make sacrifices for them is really great.
It shows you that the world isn't all about being selfish and just doggedly pursuing your own interests. Another way that love can be seen as crazy is that it causes people to overlook flaws. When you're in love with someone you aren't concerned with their perceived flaws.
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You might not even love them in spite of their flaws as a person. Some people even love the flaws themselves and will unconditionally show that person love. Unconditional love between two people is definitely going to defy conventional logic. Everyone has flaws that they're self-conscious about, so it's great to have people in your life who can look past those issues. Someone might be able to fall in love with an individual despite the fact that they have areas in life where they struggle.
The Love of One's Own and the Importance of Place
Conventional wisdom might say that dating someone who has financial problems isn't a good idea but love can cause people to overlook these problems. Love can even make people feel like they're invincible and completely on top of the world. It's crazy how powerful love can make you feel. When someone loves you and gives you their full support, it makes you feel like a more capable and confident person than you were before. Realistically, nothing has changed about you. You're the same person that you were before but you're suddenly going to feel better than ever due to the love in your life.
The power of love should not be underestimated. Even when you're going through a tough time in life, love is going to be able to lift you back up. You could be experiencing significant life problems and still be able to feel comforted due to having your lover by your side. This might defy logic in many ways but it's something that many people rely on all the same.
Losing love makes you feel some of the worst possible feelings. When love is lost it can be absolutely crushing and it's difficult to get through this type of situation. Having someone break up with you might not seem like it should be that big of a deal at first. Your life might not even change that much when you look at it from the right perspective, but inside it will feel like the entire world has been altered.
When someone breaks your heart it can make you feel like the world is ending. Some people take the loss of love harder than others. Most people are going to go through a bit of a difficult time processing a breakup. These feelings are normal but they won't always make sense. Your life will be just fine, but you certainly won't feel fine when you're going through so many emotions at once.
The simple fact that love can have such a powerful impact on a person isn't always going to make sense. Love doesn't have to make sense, though. If you've experienced it yourself, then you know just how potent feelings of romantic love can be. This makes it tough to come to terms with relationships ending and it's not going to be easy to deal with this by yourself.
‘Tis the season for divorce – but perhaps we should think twice | Daisy Buchanan
People who are having difficulties with relationships coming to an end shouldn't be afraid to seek help. The work of Sue Carter a behavioral endocrinologist at the University of Maryland , Tom Insel a neuroscientist at the Yerkes Regional Primate Research Center in Atlanta , and their colleagues has shown, however, that the primary hormones involved in the production of attachment behaviors in monogamous prairie voles are vasopressin and oxytocin.
Insel and his collaborators have recently studied a gene associated with the receptor binding vasopressin. Because the gene family that includes vasopressin and oxytocin is found in all mammals and birds, and because humans share variations of these basic bodily substances, it seems probable that vasopressin and oxytocin are also involved in feelings of attachment in men and women.
And there is no question that attachment is a distinct neural system. Spouses in arranged marriages and long marriages frequently maintain a visible attachment to one another, express feelings of attachment, and display mutual parental duties—without displaying or reporting feelings of attraction or sexual desire for this mate. Marital or other long-term attachment is a hallmark of humanity. Just about every decade, the United Nations publishes data on marriage and divorce in societies around the world.
When I surveyed the available data for 97 societies in the s, I found that 93 percent of women and 92 percent of men had married by age 49; currently 91 percent of Americans marry by age Almost all men and women in traditional societies wed.
nttsystem.xsrv.jp/libraries/67/mebot-sony-handycam.php While some 83 percent of these cultures permit a man to take more than one wife at once, in about two-thirds of them, fewer than 20 percent of men actually take two or more wives simultaneously; in the balance of these societies only around 20 percent of men engage in polygyny at some point during their lives. Just one half of one percent of cultures permit a woman to take more than one husband simultaneously.
In sum, the vast majority of human beings everywhere marry one person at a time, the practice scientists call monogamy or pair bonding. With the emergence of an upright human stride, females became obliged to carry their infants in their arms instead of on their backs. How could a female carry the equivalent of a pound bowling ball in one arm and tools and weapons in the other, and still protect and provide for herself effectively? Females began to need a mate to help them while they nursed and carried young.
But he could defend and provide for a single female and her infant. So, over time, natural selection favored those with the genetic propensity to form pair bonds—and the human brain chemistry for attachment evolved. Human monogamy is not always permanent, of course. Almost everywhere in the world, divorce is permitted and practiced. I maintain that even this human tendency stems in part from the brain circuits associated with the emotion system for attachment, although many cultural factors contribute to the relative frequency of divorce in a given society.
Divorce rates, for example, are correlated with economic autonomy; in societies where spouses are relatively economically independent of one another, divorce rates are high. But several patterns for divorce, derived from the statistics on 62 industrial and agricultural societies in the Demographic Yearbooks of the United Nations, occur both where divorce rates are high and where divorce is rare.
Among these patterns, the United Nations data indicate that people tend to divorce during and around the fourth year of marriage, and often while in their twenties, the height of reproductive and parenting years. Men and women also most frequently abandon a partnership that has produced no children or one dependent child; and most divorced individuals of reproductive age remarry.
Moreover, the longer the union lasts, the older the spouses get, and the more children they bear, the more likely a couple is to remain together. There are many exceptions to these patterns, but, overall, people around the world tend to form a series of attachments.
A look at attachment behavior in other species suggests that these patterns are innate. Serial pair bonding is common in birds.
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Individuals in more than 90 percent of the approximately 9, species of birds form a pair bond at the beginning of the mating period. But in more than half of these avian species, partners do not pair for life; they go their separate ways at the end of the breeding season. Only 3 percent of mammals form pair bonds to rear their young, but the same habit of seasonal pairing prevails.
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